A map is more unreal
  Than where you've been
Or how you feel
And it's impossible to tell
How important something or someone was  
And how he might have changed it all
And how you might have changed it all for him
And how you might have changed it all
And how he might have changed it all for you
Did I, did I?

snails can sleep for 3 years without eating

I've found its easier to take life a day at a time when you have accomplished something to be proud of everyday
even if its just a small task, like yesterday i tuned my guitar that i haven't touched in almost 2 years

ahh anyways the point of this post is the idea of the dreaded projects
we all have one
that quilt you promised your cousin for her wedding and now she has her 3rd child
and all you've got is a half done project to collect dust in a corner

maybe no that extreme, my crafting closet skeleton at this point
just happens to be a dreaded pair of pillow shams and my first attempt at quilting

so 2 days ago i made my base and i'm already on my way to feeling the freedom.

so today, i'm back to knitting uck procrastination is my thing i suppose

but i've had that taste of freedom and i'm ready for more!

of course you'll get pictures when its done!

support is beautiful

no matter what the source or reason

ugh still waiting, i can't help but feel like a burden
to my friends and mostly my family
being a bum on their couch after having to quite my job and move back home
but we do what we have to do in order to do what we want to do

in the mean time i'm keeping busy with my crafting and learning
i went to the library today and was crazzzzy inspired
(as usual)

I bought some new knitting needles off ebay and plan on buying even more
i'm watching this one auction like a hawk haha
only 17 more hours!!
wish me luck!

can i just say...

i'm scared as fuck

Today was really strange
I scare myself sometimes
i just want to feel better
i want to be better inside and out
i need inspiration

It's Thanksgiving (or it was 4 hours ago)

I'm Thankful for -

• my lovely friends
  
• a home in two cities
• my beautiful family
• the strength i sometimes forget i hold inside
• new ideas and opportunities
• always learning, creating and being inspired

I know you never meant to do everything you put me through
It's okay I forgive you
Just know that when you see me cringe sometimes
I'm trying to rid the poison from my mind




how do i keep finding myself in these situations
you can tell me I'm amazing you can tell me I'm beautiful and you can tell me that there will never be another girl like me

but your actions are screaming and another story is escaping from your lips

sober 2 months now but that doesn't mean i've had any success giving up my other vices

except cigarettes i haven't bought a pack since i finished my summer lot

other then that i'm still awful at making decisions, and i don't see myself getting any better

tonights a test, i hope i pass

i'm not an angry person i never wanted to be, but i am now. Just so tired of having to fight.



i don't know. todays just not a good day i guess. it's been awhile since i've just stopped and let it all hit me. but now that it has i feel like it won't stop, like being hit by a train, a huge weight on my chest.


i miss him and i'm scared i'll never have him again, the laughter and the security is filled with this pain.

but a life without risk, change, and true excitement is a greater thing to be feared.

so i'll take these days of hurt and loneliness because i know in the end its all going to be worth it

i've been in the hospital since june 4th and i think i'm just about going crazy

its so impossible to sit here and listen to everyone whine and comlain about everyday life when i would give anything to have everyday life back again

my first offical day of vacation was an overall sucess

i called up shannon and cheryl and we went to the park and had a picnic with yummy bean dip until the bugs came and ruined it

then we got some ice cream from kone king and went back to play on the swings

we sat and talked forever and made a list of our summer goals

then dave came i'm really just exhausted talked about him and to him so i dont think i'm going to bother saying how it went

nothing changed good and bad